A Conversation with Marie

Julianne is an AACPS: Pupil Personnel Worker

Marie had been retired for one month when the call came. It was her great-granddaughter, Sarah saying “DSS [Department of Social Services] is here and they are going to take the boys. Can you take them?” Sarah had been struggling with heroin addiction for years and was recently convicted on theft and prostitution charges. The father was actively using heroin and she needed someone to take her two young boys.

I asked Marie about that moment, explaining I hear similar stories of grandparents, receiving similar calls, and being posed the same question – will you take the kids? Understandably, all say yes, as the alternative is foster care. But do they really know what they are agreeing to at that moment? Did Marie know she was agreeing to being the sole provider to two young boys (both with learning and mental health issues), with no financial assistance, and with no on-going oversight from the Department of Social Services or any other agency?

Before continuing, Marie reminded me she is Sarah’s great-grandmother. She is 74 years old.

Marie told Sarah to “put the social worker on the phone” and then asked the social worker to “wait until I get there before making any decisions.”

I understand when Marie tells me there was no other choice. Now three years later, Marie shares there have been some challenging days. She is well known (and well liked) by the school’s Principal and front office staff, in part because there is frequent contact regarding one of the boy’s behavioral issues. One incident culminated in the Principal calling the Anne Arundel County Crisis Response team.

Marie and I wondered what young children and infants internalize while living with drug addicted parents. What do they see? What do they hear? And how does it affect them later in life? Marie recalls one of the boys telling her of a time when “Dad took us to Baltimore and left us in the car when he went to see his friend.” She spoke of how unsettled the boys are after a visit (although rare) with either one of their parents.

Marie is grateful for her son’s support with planning outings and activities with the boys; enrolling them in recreation league sports; and serving as a father figure. The boys receive in-school therapeutic support through Villa Maria Mental Health Services, and according to Marie, are making good progress.

Marie participates in a monthly kinship care support group; and in a support group organized by Villa Maria. It is helpful for her to connect with others in similar situations, although Marie said she is the lone great grandparent in both groups!

I asked Marie if she intends to obtain legal custody. She said she attempted to, but Sarah refused (from jail) to sign the consent form. Dad’s whereabouts were unknown at the time. Sometimes Marie worries about either parent “taking” the boys. She knows they can, too, because they have legal rights.

Marie said she will continue to do what she is doing “for as long as it takes” and that she refuses to allow the boys to experience “another let down.” I tell Marie how much I respect her as we walk to the school’s main office, where the boys are waiting to go home with the greatest great grandmother I have ever met.